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Love at first sight. Instant connection. The spark of cupid’s arrow. These are all names for this not so uncommon phenomena. Yet, finding yourself in love with someone you don’t even know doesn’t always work out so easily as in the Hollywood movies. The initial high of that instant connection can turn sour as insecurities and uncertainties begin to emerge. Is he attracted to me? Did he notice me today? What does he think of me? Does he even notice me? As our insecurities build and our initial feelings start to be less certain then we can begin to feel more and more fearful of rejection.

A case in point…

A client of mine Suzy had been having some marital problems, but overall was not seriously unhappy. She had a good group of friends and was generally getting on with her life.
One day during her lunch hour she happened to notice a guy who was staring at her. It was very strange because she was sure his face looked familiar. As such she couldn’t help staring back also. His penetrating stare disarmed her totally. She felt completely vulnerable, like he was looking right into her soul. On one hand she felt like a giddy adolescent, and the other hand, she felt this very deep and strong stirring for something she couldn’t quite put a name to. Suzy turned away (or more likely fled), feeling quite embarrassed. Later that night she couldn’t help but think about him. It awoke in her very old feelings that she felt she had lost a long time ago. After years living with her husband she had accepted the reality that relationships were more like friendship, but this man was entirely something different.

Over the next month she saw the man a number of times. Each time the same thing would happen, and each time the stares would become more obvious. She found out through colleagues that his name was Paul and he worked in the same building in another department. He was married also and had two kids. That was all she knew about him. As the month progressed Suzy found herself thinking about Paul more and more. She chided herself for being silly, but at the same time, she secretly fantasised about something happening. She rang a number of psychics, who told her she had past life connections with Paul. This further confirmed her feeling that something significant was happening. Nevertheless, she was paralysed by a fear that stopped her from approaching him. She desperately hoped that at one point he might approach her, but it just never seemed to work out that way.
By the time Suzy rang me she was in a very desperate state indeed. 3 months had passed since their first meeting and the whole issue was beginning to consume her. She knew it was becoming unhealthy, but she felt totally stuck. She just couldn’t shake the feeling.

During my psychic readings with Suzy I was able to help her confront some important blocks to resolving the situation. Part of the reading was about helping Suzy to recognise that the connection with Paul was a catalyst for an awakening in herself. In this sense, it wasn’t about Paul at all, but about helping Suzy see how she had become stuck in a mundane and routine relationship with her husband. Paul didn’t happen by co-incidence. Suzy attracted Paul into her life to help her face her deeper feelings of restlessness and discontentment in her own marriage. Until she faced this, Paul would always just be a fantasy in her mind, serving as a distraction from a deeper unhappiness. Intellectually, Suzy was already aware of this problem, but her belief was that she really couldn’t leave her relationship with her husband. The real block to things happening was not Paul but her. Her relationship with Paul was a fantasy because underneath it all that’s what Suzy really believed it was.
As Suzy became clearer and clearer about this her fear of rejection from Paul began to lessen. She was able to see that there was in fact a strong attraction between them both, but she was able to be more pragmatic about it. She realized that her nervous and intense reactions to Paul were creating a block. So instead of going blushing and staring back, she simply started to smile back. It was only a matter of time before a conversation was struck up and they started to form a friendship.

So did Suzy and Paul get together? For the moment, I will leave this as a mystery, other than to say Suzy was a much happier woman as a result of connecting with Paul. The real story behind this story is that an ‘instant connection’ is only the first step on an emotional journey. If we become too focussed on the feeling of the connection it is likely just to become an obsessive fantasy rather than a real relationship. The only way to make that ‘instant connection’ mean something is to work with you are at here and now, and to begin relating to the person as they really are, rather than how you imagine them to be.  If you are both married then focus on developing a friendship rather than getting into romantic fantasies. If you are both working together focus on nurturing a healthy professional respect for each other rather than playing flirting games. Bring practical substance to your connection. If you are not interested in this, and you are only interested in finding out whether he has romantic feelings for you, then you need to ask yourself whether you are more interested in the fantasy than you are in the person themself. Often when you let go of the fantasy and open up to the real person you will find a much richer and deeper experience of the relationship, and you will find the real purpose and meaning of the ‘instant connection’ start to unfold.