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Integrating your Male & Female Energies

“In union there is strength” Aesop.

We are coming to a time where the issues of separateness and division are being broken down, and a new consciousness of our unity and connectedness is blossoming. This is happening at all levels- globally, politically, mentally, spiritually and physically. Science is even catching up with the spiritual consciousness movement, and showing through experiments on quantum mechanics (called quantum entanglement theory ^1,2) that at the most basic energetic level, we are all connected across distance and time. Unity does give strength, but I believe we had to experience the separation to want to move towards unity. The Buddha is quoted as saying “Unity can only be manifested by the binary. Unity itself and the idea of unity are already two.”  This means that unity can only really come from things that are already separated, already in binary form, and that creates the urge to merge with another.

We are also divided from our own self- we think we are not whole until we merge with another being. Like two halves of the same apple, we need to find the person that is the perfect fit to us. Our minds and emotions are divided, creating a schizophrenic personality. Wholeness starts when we connect the divisions within ourselves, becoming whole, and thereby creating the seeds of wholeness in our energy field. We have to begin to unify within ourselves, it is too big a task or concept to try to change others.  If we do try when they are not ready we are bound to fail and might harm the relationship we have with them.

Not surprisingly, divisions also exist between the sexes. According to the eastern philosophies, male/solar energies are yang, equated with the actions and in general are strong, active and giving. Female/lunar energies are yin, equated with passive, receptive and reflective qualities.

There are lots of theories about men and women being from different planets, how different we think and feel and these seem to accentuate our separateness. This sense of separation creates division, not wholeness. But this division within us and between the sexes is not true at our most basic genetic level, we are more alike and share most genes³. Since genes are the blueprint for our energy system, it cannot be true on the outer experience either. This collective mental thought pattern or thoughtform (an idea that has created its own energy and grows and spreads) has been perpetuated throughout the world, and it is time to change this thoughtform by reconnecting and integrating our own inherent male and female energies.

During our conception, we are created by two gametes coming together, and fertilizing into a new whole being⁴: again, two (binary) becoming one. The X and Y chromosomes share many genes, and just a few are not shared- these are the genes associated with the development of the male sex. One gene determines male sex- the SRY gene.

Physically we are an outer representation of our sexuality- externally male or female. Internally we carry the opposite sexual energy. At certain points in our days, we will have to make decisions and act. Other times, we need to receive- let someone help us, or let someone love us. In essence, we already express our wholeness, but we can deceive ourselves into thinking that we are still split.

There are many techniques that work to connect and integrate your male and female energy, these vary from physical techniques using the breath (pranayama⁵ in yoga, Nine purification breaths in the Tibetan Bön tradition⁶), using the imagination, visualisation or verbal affirmations. When using the imagination and visualisation, it is as easy as imagining that your male and female energies are united and whole, or you may want to visualise your right and left sides uniting. For those who prefer affirmations, I have one that you can utilise, or you can make up your own. “My male and female energies are connected, united and whole. I am complete exactly as I am. ”

These techniques do not need to be repeated daily, just say or do them when you feel the need to connect. Then, it is important to trust that you are whole and connected with your Male and Female energies.

 An affirmation for integrating your male & female energies:

‘My male & female energies are connected, united, and whole. I am complete, exactly as I am.’

 

References:

http://wired.com/wiredscience/2011/01/timelike-entanglement.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/quantum_entanglement

http:/en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Y_chromosome, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X_chromosome

biology.about.com/od/genetics/a/aa040805a.htm

Healing with Form , Energy and Light: The Five Elements in Tibetan Shamanism, Tantra and Dzogchen. Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche.

http://yoga.about.com/od/breathing/Yoga_Breathing_Exercises_Pranayama.htm

Even living in the Western Isles of Scotland, you can't escape the commercial message that Valentine's Day approaches. I find it interesting that my eye has become quite practised at tuning out to all the red and glitz, much as it had with Christmas shortly before that. So I thought I'd set myself a bit of a consciousness challenge. Rather than dismiss the hype as another commercial conspiracy, aimed at manipulating us to mindlessly spend money, I thought I'd look for the heart of Valentine's Day (sorry!) - the essence and spirit of this festival of love.

Well naturally, when you go to the heart of any of our favourite rites and rituals, its spirit is something deeply personal and incredibly beautiful. More than anything, Valentine's Day calls us to look honestly into our hearts. Who or what do we really appreciate in our lives? Are we living out who we really are with those we love? Are there ways we could love ourselves better? Have we lost faith in the magic that happens when our hearts really are allowed to be in charge?

This is the inspiration for much of our work on the Origin Psychic Line. In the quiet and intimate space of a psychic reading, you can be confident that your heart can be heard - its doubts and wounds, but also its hopes and dreams.

I hope you'll enjoy this month's digital edition of Origin Connections. We have some exciting innovations - we welcome the first of our guest contributors, Dr Jonathan Young. Dr Young focuses much of his writing on the area of 'Personal Mythology' - you'll find his article about Imbolc on page 11. I'm sure you'll also enjoy Rod Nicholson's 'Myth Buster' feature - this is the first in a series we'll be presenting in the coming months - it begins on page 7. And don't forget to celebrate Chinese New Year on February 3rd - this year is the Year of the Rabbit. Being a Rabbit myself, of course I'm excited about this!

LISTEN HERE FOR AUDIO VERSION OF THIS ARTICLE


How we can be truly confident

We all know that confidence can be one of the most attractive qualities in another person. We are drawn to confidence in others because, in essence, ‘being confident’ means being assured and positive about oneself and one’s life, and in a world filled with doubt, negativity, insecurity and anxiety, a confident person is someone we naturally gravitate towards.

 

Yet, what makes a person genuinely confident? In the media we are saturated with images of confident people – usually they are beautiful, powerful, funny, charming, determined and get what they want. In many ways, confidence has become synonymous with a certain kind of success.  Successful people are confident people.

 

Yet, any basic examination of this argument reveals how ludicrous this idea is. If success gave us confidence, why does Robbie Williams, one of the most successful musicians, wealthy and desired by thousands of women, struggle with issues of depression?  Why did Howard Hughes, one of the richest men in the world, live in such fear that he often couldn’t leave his room?

 

For the everyday person, we may not attempt to achieve success on such a grand scale, but the belief that our confidence relies on achieving a certain successful end persists -  If I had the right boyfriend, or if I get the right promotion, then I will feel confident.

 

Confidence based on success is what I would call ‘false confidence’  -  it is false because it is based on a view of ourselves as being able to be in control of our lives and the lives of others. We view ourselves as isolated egos, struggling to get to a point where we can be secure in the knowledge that if we want something, we can make it happen. I am confident because I know I am attractive and can find the relationship I want. I am confident because I know I’m good at my work and therefore I will become wealthy and influence others.

 

Yet in reality, often these beliefs crumble. An attractive woman ages and is replaced by another attractive woman. A successful man loses all his money due to an economic slump. Will those people still feel confident? We have all faced these points in our life, and the temptation is to simply find some other external measure to make ourselves feel confident. The aging attractive woman gets plastic surgery. The wealthy man starts a new business. And as such, we simply start the same cycle all over again.

 

Creating True Confidence

The first step to creating real confidence is to recognize that confidence is not based on achieving external goals, but is related to our conception of our identity, of ‘who I am.’ Our identities are often inherited from our childhood beliefs.  The more narrow and fixed our identity is, then the more limited our confidence will be.  Some of us start out with negative self-conceptions like ‘I’m fat and useless’ and others with more positive ones like ‘I’m attractive and good looking.’ While the positive conception certainly starts us out on a better footing, in reality both are as limited as each other. They are simply different sides of the same coin.  Both are based on a conception of the self limited by a superficial understanding of who you really are.

 

Confidence requires an openness to change

Lack of confidence often emerges when circumstances no longer allow us to take on a certain identity that we have used to make us feel worthwhile. The empty nest syndrome is an obvious example of this. If the idea that ‘ I am a good Mother’ is the central feature of a person’s identity, then the kids moving away could become a real trauma. We all face this same challenge in different ways.

 

The test of real confidence lies in our ability to let go of old identities and embrace new ones.  Real confidence is based on our ability to be open to change inside ourselves.  If you are a person who is stuck, rigid or unwilling to change who you are, then more likely than not you will spend much of your life desperately trying to make your life fit around your identity rather than the other way around. The ‘good mother’ will turn into the interfering grandmother. The ‘great sportsman’ will turn into ‘aging has-been by the bar.’

 

Creating real confidence requires us to develop a more expansive view of who we are, which is not fixed or limited by our beliefs. For me, I always start out with a basic viewpoint ‘I am a good person, connected and open to the spark of the divine within.’ This conception of myself is not dependent upon me achieving a certain goal or being good at a particular thing, and no matter what situation I find myself in, I can always stop and reaffirm this deeper knowledge about who I am.

 

Real confidence requires trust in others

A distrustful person can never be truly confident.  We can see many examples of this in real life. You cannot be a good business manager if you don’t know how to delegate and trust others to do the job.  You can’t win a football match if you don’t trust your teammate enough to pass them the ball.  Many of us face moments in life when we feel our trust in others is being challenged. It may be a divorce, or a family feud where we end up feeling that everyone else is selfish and uncaring. We may end up thinking ‘I am on my own, and the only person I can count on is me.’  It is impossible to maintain confidence when we view others with suspicion and fear.

 

At this point, you may ask, ‘Surely, there are some people who don’t deserve our trust?’ Certainly, but there is a difference between being distrustful and being discerning. Being distrustful is a suspicious and fearful perspective about others. Being discerning is about being aware and clear about others' faults and limitations.  When we are discerning we see the risks we make with open eyes. We are aware that we may get hurt, but we take a leap of faith. My father once said ‘ I would prefer to get hurt 1000 times, to experience love once than to never get hurt once, and never experience love at all.’ This is an attitude of real confidence.

 

In essence we can see that ‘real confidence’ emerges from a deeper and more expansive sense of self that is open to change and prepared to accept that we live in an interactive universe of relationships, where we can not control life, but where we can choose to how we wish to approach it. Being confident in an ego bubble of success and achievement will always expose itself as essentially hollow and meaningless when life doesn’t turn out the way we want it to. Real confidence is a deeper and more lasting confidence in which we know that however circumstances may change, through failures and successes, that we are essentially good, creative and unique and that we are never alone in a universe that is completely connected.

Camera zooms in.

Man sees woman sitting at tube stop. She looks distant and almost ethereal. In the bustle and commotion of the crowded station she stands alone. Beautiful and stunning. His world has stopped.

Woman sees man.  Fumbling and clumsily trying to work his way through the mad push of the tube, his vulnerable and child-like innocence seems completely at odds with the world around him. She stares. Her life has changed.