And if tonight my soul may find her peace
in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower
then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.
~D.H. Lawrence
Meg, a client of mine for a number of years, was a single mother of 2 kids, and a full time worker. Juggling a variety of responsibilities and hats, Meg was pretty much on her feet from the start to the finish of the day. Her schedule was so hectic that Meg had very little time for even the most basic leisure activities. By bed time Meg was absolutely exhausted. You would have thought that Meg would have simply collapsed in bed and slept like a baby. She didn't. Most nights Meg had great difficulty getting to sleep. The events of her day swirled through her mind. And while her body was exhausted her mind simply wouldn't switch off. When Meg would finally get to sleep, her sleep was interrupted, often punctuated with strange dreams and when she awoke in the morning she felt like she had just woken up from the wars.
A simple analysis could say Meg's problems were quite straightforward. Meg was so stressed and unable to relax and therefore unable to get a good sleep. If Meg simply took the time out to manage her stress (if she was able to) then her sleep problems would be sorted out. On the surface this might be true, but in reality the real problem for Meg and thousands of others who don't sleep well is far deeper.
In modern society, like many things, our approach to sleep has become mechanical and lifeless. Sleep is just a process of recharging our batteries. We reach a point of low energy, hit the sack and hope we can manage to get enough sleep to feel recharged again in the morning. With such a limited perspective of sleep, its is no wonder then that so many people struggle with sleep in so many ways.
The first secret in getting a restful sleep is to change your paradigm or perspective of sleep. Sleep is not about recharging your batteries. Sleep is about the natural cycle of birth and death contained within each day. This sounds a bit heavy or scary, but in reality it's a life changing and empowering perspective about our sleep cycle.
Like the flower in DH Lawrence's flower, each night we go into the 'oblivion' of death and awaken reborn and newly created. This is not a literal or physical death. This experience of death in sleep is what is called deep sleep. That part of the night when we have no memory of, but we know we have gone into that deep dark place where we cease to 'be.' When we go to this place we don't feel scared or worried or stressed. It's a kind of soft darkness in which we feel protected and safe. There are many names for this place of non-being – The Taoist called in Yin. Others call it the womb of potential or the void. Scientists may call in NREM or N2 stage. In this stage of sleep there is the potential to simply wipe the slate clean and start over. We all know the feeling of when we have had a deep sleep. We begin the day feeling like it's a fresh start – a new day. When we haven't had a restful sleep, we feel like its groundhog day and yesterday's problems immediately feel like today's problems.
When we shift our paradigm of sleep then can begin to see how we have become habituated into a mechanical pattern of sleep that often doesn't work. Going to sleep isn't simply a process of recharging – it's a journey into a completely different reality. And who would go on a journey without being prepared?
